hmm... i quite loved Twilight in its movie form, i think it had mostly everything i should have had, and happily they added some of my favourtest lines... that made the night. Also, the kissing scene had to be the most amazing, most romantic kiss on screen i've ever seen. I literally held my breath through the whole thing... AMAZING! And the way he sparkles was also just how i had imagined it when i read the book; just as magical... *SIGH*

the action scenes where then again superb, the baseball scene exceeded my expectations and more...

all in all i thought the movie was a super success ... made me HAppy !

Sometimes i feel like i'm doing everything wrong, that by just a stare i'm driving those who i love away.
Seems like everyday i fuck up a little more.
What should i do?
Right now i just feel like the waste of a human, someone no one deserves to befriend... *sigh*
im sad :(

wow... after having basically one of the worst days every... tonight is the worst night eeeever.
i'm sore from excersising... couldtn sleep
then got a horrid migrane that woke me up and then some asshole kept on calling my phone from a 917 area code... i want to yell at him/her so bad... GRrrr im so pissd right now, and i cant fall asleep. How great, and today is a long ass day where i wake up at 6 for class at 8 until 5...
:(

I wanna cry
this sucks ass.

How can someone tell you they love you when they tell the girl from their past that he cant say that he loves me yet... Then tell you about it but keep telling you how much they love you and cant leave without you?
What do i seem? retarded? I'm a human being with feelings...

decide.

Then i just keep on trying to please everybody, and tonight i figured out exactly that and i'm leaving myself out of happiness because im just giving it up for everyone else. I'm feeling the world on my shoulders again...

I mean its just completely annoying to know that someone is hurting what you and someone else have, that special bond that's supposed to be unbreakable, that bond that some may call love, and others may call the inevitable chemistry.

Why is there stubborn individuals that just want to please themselves without thinking of the consequences of their maneuvers, specially the selfishness of the act alone? Like they say, "You don't know what you have till its lost"
well that means just that, you've lost it, therefore forget about it YOU SUCK for letting it go, so fuck you and go away.
That means away forever !

call Upon theee DIrty Constance,
I sHOUt Thy name in verbs of agony
OHHH OHH MY dirty COnstance ! Where Shall my beloved Constance of Dirt MAY BE!?

____Captain Bloody Jane__

oi oi, dIRty ConstanCe hur to scrub de deck and watch de booty.
with me pirate ARGG and me dirty fist,
i serve thee Cap BLoody JAaane..
yee is yaws

_____DIrty Constance____

Arg MAtey,
AHoooy the Booty belogs to me, but a piece i may give to you... Be aware of Dear Jones' Locker and his graspy claws, cause the treasure you are safe to keep !

_____Captain Bloody Jane___


Dear Jones'Locker i fear not
with me blade to bring death to yee, i dIRty ConstanCe brings mutiny to a tyrant threat thousands of oceans deep,
but me loyalty to yee me hands dirty me blade no more..

_____Dirty Constance_____


Arrrg
OH DIrty DIrty COnstance... Thy hands dirty like yer name may be, but Jones' Locker is to keeps us in its deep... Arg and Curse The heavens for our Dirty Fate to be.
____Captain Bloody Jaane___


a curse that deep, me bones shiver with fear of a captains crew,
Dear Jones'Locker wins me respect..
and me loyalty grows hawrty for its yours to keep..
___DIrty COnstance____



OH but Jones' Locker is far deeper and darker than yer mind can think... Fear Fear For its depths and tortures are for those, for us who sinned since ripe. ARG I say and Cheers FOR THE Rum we have here tonight !

_Captain Bloody Jane___





(Captain Bloody Jane = Cathy'S Pirate name... DIrty Constance = Cathy's crazy friend that follows cathy's crazy ideas )

Why is it that everytime I am, or at least try to be happy there is alwasy a third party that wants to completely ruin everything, or tries really hard to ruin everything for me?

i just cant believe that this fucking whore is coming back in the fucking picture.

I JUSt want to scream at the top of my lungs right now... WHY, OH WHY!!!>::???

i feel like total shit
today two people completely disapointed me.
one, long time friend now hates me for no absolute reason. All he does is treat me like shit, talk to me like i'm shit, tell me i'm shit... and i seriously doubt i'm a turd...
why? i cant believe i trusted him for so long. Then i also learned he lied to me, just because he didnt want to hang out with me. Why?
what did i do?? ?

i just want to cry right now...
just sit and cry
thats all...just sit and cry

waht the fuck is so wrong with me that people just like to fucking kick me around and shit on me??

my friends, pedro, christian, adel.... and the list goes on.

fuck the world. Does it really deserve me?
why am i so fucking stupid ?

FUCK !
i just want to scream and cry
just scream... and cry... and cry...

i hate the world. i hate everything. i hate everyone. i hate myself.

*SIGHS*

and the second, was a call this morning from a person who was on the verge of tears because he felt lonely, and sad, misdirected... and without makikng it long i know it has to do with me about 80%...
FUCK !

i hate the world. i hate everything. i hate everyone. i hate myself.


oh how unfair the world sometimes is

i think i'm ready.

Today, on my way back home, i got to see the most beautiful sunset, it was almost like a ball was falling down slowly coverd in little fingers of light, then softly setting atop of a pink cloud in the fluffly sky. then directly across the moon, the harvest moon of august was just bigger than big, like waking up to the beautiful stary night.

oh it was so romantic and so beautiful. i wish i could have stoped somewhere and just watched it and taken pictures to remember it forever...
oh.. i feel lovesick *sighs*

i feel wierd.
i dont know why
life can be so uncertain and unfair sometimes... you think you get over people, after a year or two but then truth to the matter is that you dont. You dont get over people, you dont forget what they did to you, you dont forget why you want to forget them, and you never will. Once they kill u they have killed you for life, it has been implanted in your long term memory... Forever.

Recently i've encountered two people that i never thought even possible of ever hearing from or seeing them again. One was Pedro; after trying to talk to him trhough face book i realized that he is a close minded, grudge holding, bitter old man in the body of a 20 year old. He tried to offend me through his messages of hate, but all i felt was a sense of satisfaction. I dont know why. THen i realized that he probably doenst remember why he hates me so much, but he does remember the little things that probably defined me back when we were together, and not even the good things, the bad things. He remeberd what I did, and not done, he rememberd and threw on my face what i had told him in confidence so long ago. I seriously dont understand him. Well to make myself feel better i wrote him an email that probably made him reflect, i told him to get out of the little box he was hidding in from the world, to go see the sunrise, and feel the wind on his skin, i told him that this was what made my day everyday. I told him to cut the brainless grudge he was holding and to not reply because i was sick of his childish act. I told him i had tried three times, and that was enough... if three didnt cut it then nothing would... and nothing will because i dont want to know he exists... but thats the whole point of this. He does exist. And i know he exists, therefore i cant just erase him from my memory, i can not just pretend or make up a new memory. He's in my long term memory, and he will live there until i die.

Then there is Adel. He ruined, and made the worst year of my life even worse... he used me, he hurt me, he broke me and my heart, he made me hate boys, he made mistrust, he made me cold. And now he reappears iwth a frown and the desire to be my friend, and tells me all these things that made me hurt more. He tells me he loves me, he tells me he always did, he tells me he was scared, and he tells me he's sorry for what he did.
I dont know what to do. He calls me and talks to me with the sweetest of voices, and tells me he misses everything that made up what was me, he tells me he wants to see me and kiss me and love me like never before, he wants to make it up to me... but i have no room for love toward him... i have nothing but i guess i'm okay sust being his friend. I dont hate him anymore, i've learned to forgive, but not forget.

i dont know what to do... i guess i'll just wait.

well i did fail the chem. exam.
i studied insanly much but i dindt pass at the end.
I"m so mad cause then later i helped out my friend and i knew everything which made me really mad cause then i realized i knew my shit but the test just punched me out ... FUCK !!!!
w/e i studyied for bio all day yesterday and im pretty confident about my test today :D

so w/e there are other tests so i gues s i'm reaaallly gunna bust my ass a little more for chem egh...


then looking in facebook i found someone i would have never thought i'd find... Pedro.
I mean, its like destiny to find him places. His mom came to my mom's hotel like less than a month ago and well its in one of my older entries i think. so anyway, i wrote him a message telling him how i just wanted to be friends and to handle this like adults since last time he almost threw a cyber rock at my face just for saying hi. which i told him. lets see if he answers it at all...

i miss him. i still kinda have feeling for him because when i saw his picture all my stomach went into butterflies all over the place. I dont know how to describe it or catalogize it. i mean i loved him before, now i dont know waht it is. Like i said, its probaly desitiny because he had been in my mind for a long time, even before his mom came to town. i guess i was telepathically seeking a connection of somehow.
And knowing him he'll probably answer my message with some hate mail. and block me.

he holds grudges for too long, and thas why i think im trying so hard to break that shell and let me back into his life at least as an aquatance of some "cyber-sort" lol (thats not even a word)


Either way i jsut feel good that i found him and sent him that message. I dont regret it in the minimum.

and just for the record, he looks better (hotter) than i remember lol
i'm so silly _ OHhh god!

Finally this week is over. i still have class today from 2 to 6 cause of chem. lab
but w/e i LOOOVE CHem lab
its soo much fun, and I get to burn things ^.^ and its fucking awsome

but then i hit the biggest rush hour ever, so i wont be home till like 730 or 8 which sucks big balls.
lol

then i have to study the whole weekend cause exams are next week and i dont want to fail cause i m awsome

mk
love u

oh wow
i'm a little overwhelmed with education right now, but i'm addicted to it. I cant just sit there and do nothing, i have to study... i cant control it lol it had never happend to me before. I have a thirst for knowledge :D its exciting.

Then today, no one could wipe the biggest smile off my face for two reasons.
1. finally made up with Christian. We talked for few hours about everything and anything, and decided to be friends again and not to ever talk about the issue at hand ever again... which is good cause we will never agree there.

2. i feel good.
Im getting so much attention from boys its amazing, plus i'm meeting so many new people and actually making friends. I dont feel so lonely anymore. This is really cool . ANd I met a cool dude, he's really nice and sweet to me and makes me laugh insanly hard... and buys me lunch :]
he's awsome.


so for the most part, i'm not stressed with school.. i'm addicted to it. i cant not do anything. Right now i'm running on two hour sleep last night, a half hour nap this mornign after my first class (during break, ikn my car) and then a half hour nap when i got home, and i'm wired right now.. TIME FOR CHEMESTRY !! yhaaaay

hey guys... my teacher told us a reaaaallly funny joke...
lol its retarded and you probably wont undesrtand it but if you understand my explanation youll laugh :D

Okay
So there are two molecules standing outside of a library
the girl molecule says to the boy molecule with a very concerned cell
" i've lost an electron"
the boy molecule with a worried look on his face asks her
" are you sure?"

LMAo !!!

Okay so what the hell does that mean ( u probably thinkiN... ) and why is that funny?
well i'll explain

we are looking at the concept of free energy. there is gain and loss of electrons, and the concepts are the oposite...
Oxidation= the loss of an electron
Reduction= the gaining of an electron

so there you go.. thats why the joke is so funny. You gotta really think about it.

lol

ps.
my friend says this looks like a hipo (O_,_,_O) but i think it looks more likae a frog instead lol

I'm hooked.
its nice to finally meet someone that has the same insterests as you. Its so much fun to talk, and easy to keep the conversation on for hours. yaay
Yeah, college is starting to speak back at me lol but its not just the classes and the experience, but im meeting new people every day and that just makes my day.. except for one person whom i cant stand anymore but w/e not worth mentionning even.

I don't know but i feel like i dont just have open options in carrer choice but also in the love department. I havent had a real feeling for someone since Pedro, who by the way i learned something about a few days. My mom saw his mom, she came down and stayed at the hotel where she works and they talked a little. Apparently they think im a selfish bitch because 1) of the things he might have said about me after we broke up and 2) stupid assumptions.
THey said that his sister found a letter that i suppesdly wrote to him, breaking up with him and such... that is completely crap because i would never break up with someone in a letter, and when i did i talked to him face to face.
Then they said that he had waited a year after we broke up for me to come back to him... BULLSHIT
he got a girlfriend at the biggining of the next school year, and i remember cause it broke my heart. so lets count, we broke up in mayish so he gets a g/f in septemberish and if im not mistaken that is about FOUR months???!!!
so WTF? stop saying shit that aint true. ANd... LIke a week after we broke up i came back crawling for him to get back with me and he had the 'dignity' of 'teaching me a lesson' and said no... he wanted to be friends... but kept on treating me like his girlfriend.

so now he jsut spreads lies about me, telling everyone that i treated him like shit. Well let me tell u something, he wasnt behaving very nicely to me either, and even worse when my mom got sick. At that moment i couldnt deal with him being an ass and my problems at home and he didnt understand me then, and made the break up basically hell. \
The last time i ever spoke to him was online, i got his sn frm a friend and IMed him to say hi... he answered with a stone... he was the biggest asshole and treated me like shit when i just wanted to say hi and ask how he was...
oh well i guess he can hold a grudge preeetty badly.

whatever i guess thats why destinty brought us apart.. we werent right for eachother.

i found someone else for now :p
today's lunch had the best company I could ever have ^.^ so w/e
life goes one and this is a way to prove it... by advancing in life little by little every day so one day we can look back and say 'wow i when i was that age... '

A living legend. Immortal by all means, but mortally wounded. Yesterday was a dark day for mankind's connection to the wildlife, the bridge of protection and adventure, probably insanity or maybe an antisocial disorder permited Steve Irwin to come so close to the source of the biggest fears to humans today; the wildlife.
I sit here today mourning the Crocodile Hunter, his death will be remebered as a shock that paused the world. NO one ever thought that he would ever die, or probably do by to he jaws of a ferocious crocodile. A stingray, with its powerful sting pierced right through his heart causing an immediate death.

perhaps this article will explain it better than I could ever...
http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/TV/09/05/irwin.death/index.html

We will remember you Steve, no one will ever forget your crazy adventures with the wildest animals to walk upon this eart, or the unfortunate incident that took you from us.
From the bottom of my heart i thank you for the valuable information you have shown us about nature. God has taken you, but the education you have given us can never be erased. You were an inspiration, and now you have passed on to a better world doing what you loved.

R.I.P Steve Irwin
you will never be forgoten.

Well i actually stayed up all night watching the VMA's to end up dissapointed once again.
It was Jack Black hosting, i was really expecting to laugh my ass off and enjoy myself, but it wasnt htat way.
IT was boring, it had no them, not that many shows, and the worst part was tht there was absolutely no variety on the nominated artists and videos. It was the same four or five people all over and over and over again. That made me very mand, and simply just fucking bored.
And Borat didnt show up! i wanted to see that.
Sarah Silverman's little skit was sucky sucky.
Jessica Simpson fucked up her lines.
and Jack Black was NOT FUNNY !

and that ruined it, cause he is one of my favourite funny people lol
arg..

FUCK THE VMA's
and yes they do get worse every year

oh and Axel Rose showed up... and let me tellu somthing. that did NOT look like the AXel Rose i know.. that was an old, ugly guy with corn rolls and an ugly beard.
EWW cause im in love with the young hot one he was just dreamy back then..


this is the AXl rose that im in love with ^.^



well anyway.. i was bored that why i actually wrotesomthing on this thing


and yeah, school its hard. eghh....

I finally started school a few weeks ago. The campus is beautifull and i can move around it with not much of a problem. Its really nice that i know where everything is becasue first I will know when the noobies on fall come in and are lost all over the place, and well i feel more at home though i have to drive there and back everyday ... but hey its a sacrifice i have to take i guess.

My first paper was due today, i guess i'm a little nervous cause to tell you the truth it wasnt my best work... i'll try harder for the next one, due next thrus.

I also got my AP scores today. I got a 4 for psych. I thought i had completely fucked up with like a 2 or even a 1... Thank goodness i passed. I was begining to become worried about not getting the scores in the first place, and the score itself.
I feel better and more calm :]

i dont know why things happen like this... everytime I take an interest in a boy, well lets just say that that boy isn't available for the taking; he either has a girlfriend, or insterested in another girl, who usually happens to be a frind of mine or some dumb bimbo that just pops up out of the blue to steal the boy, but lately its neeeever me. Or he doesnt want to get attached because he soon will be leaving for college and as usual the odds arent that great to meet or ever talk again.
Point is: i havent had a real boyfriend for a long time, i appear to be the puppet that boys use to do mischief, and dont misinterpret that... hahah... you dirty minded, you.

last time this happenedl, well i met this boy he is a wonderful boy. But it turns out the boy is hitting on me but i do know he has a girlfriend so he keeps on hitting on me... things werent that great, but the worst part is that he actually says to me " if i didnt have a girlfriend I'd be trying to me out with you right now... i think you are so beautiful" Give me a fucking break!! boys just say that to get into your pants so i say to him "Exaaactly, you have a girlfriend so you cant even attempt to it" like seriously, "respect your girlfriend man"

oh well... It seems to be that i wont get a boyfriend for a while, boys are shitty. I need a real man that will like me for who i am, who isnt tied by aaany strings.

Whatev.

Now i have to clean because my Tata is coming on sunday (she's my grandma from venezuela, my mommy's mom) I'm soooo exciiited :] i havent seen her in about two years or three i'm not sure but i do miss her millions.
and the other thing is that at least i will be doing something instead of moping around thinking of those who say they are my friends and are pissed at me becuase of changing a date. like wtf? who gets pissed at someone for changing the date of an event so that person can come... compleeetely irrational. I"m over it though, i got a big future ahead of me and little things like this wont hold me back. NOOO sir !